I’m Alive & I’m Surviving
Odette
Often when people ask me the common question, “what’s up?” Or “how are you doing?” My automatic response is “I’m alive” or “I’m surviving.” Of course, the typical response is, “Thank God you have life.” Or “at least you got to see another day.” Typically, I smile and continue on my Merry way but deep down inside, I’m laughing. Why? Because I don’t think people understand what I mean when I say such a response. Well…. some may know what I mean, but of course, you have those persons who decide they want to be a pest and act special.
Where are my manners? 🤦🏾♀️ Bloomers!!! My apologies. How are you doing today? I hope you are having a GREAT day so far, and you all are behaving. Did you choose violence for the day yet? Or are you keeping your peace? I hope you are keeping your peace. I know it’s hard to do but remember YOU are better than those uncircumcised philistines from Egypt. Anyway…. enjoy the read.
I’m Alive. I’m surviving. They both mean the same thing! They may have a slight difference:
Alive - I’m present, just living in the moment and letting the good Lord ordain my beautiful steps.
Surviving - I’m making it. I’m not sad, mad, depressed, but I’m not my happiest, but at the same time, I am content. I want to complain, but what’s the point!
You all get what I’m saying, right? Please say yes because I don’t know how else to explain it. *Giggles. Like I’ve said in a previous post, I am seriously “just riding the wave of life,” for lack of a better phrase. I have my plans and blueprint, but God has the final say in what I am doing. There are some days when I feel like I am on the right path, manifesting things, and in the words of my nail tech, I have a “Rich Bitch” vibe. Then, I have those days of feeling like, “What the hell am I doing?”. I feel like I’m doing what I am supposed to be doing, but I know this isn’t what I am supposed to be doing. So, I’m alive and surviving in the present moment, but can we hurry up get to the good part of this thing! However, I remind myself that I’m supposed to be here this very moment that I am in. I still have things to learn, experiences to experience and lessons to be learned, and maybe a little more healing. PATIENCE TOO!!! Yes, I’m calling myself out 😂 I guess the “Big Guy” upstairs wants his daughter very well prepared for what she’s asking for.
Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if it went the way I wanted it to go a few years ago. Would I have been happy? Would I still have the experiences I am having now? Even a better question, Would I be the person I am today? I find myself asking these questions daily, and then anxiety kicks in, and then I’m like, “okay, Odette, calm ya ass down!” I remember having a conversation with my Godmother a few months ago… I so love that woman! Anyway… during the conversation, she expressed how proud she is of me and my accomplishments thus far. My Godmother also said that every time she comes into town, it’s mandatory that we hang out because there is always something new in my life. Well, for her, it’s new; for me, it was in the works. In those conversations, I always have to catch myself and avoid expressing how thankful I am for the reassurance she gives me, not to mention that sometimes I become a cry baby. Still, I suck it up because we are always out in public. I don’t need people thinking she’s insulting my existence in front of the world. Sorry for getting sidetracked here, but I always tell her how I feel like I am supposed to be doing more in those moments. I am meant for more; of course, she has to remind me of how far I’ve come, and I’m doing more than enough in the present moment. It’s the same with my Aunty’s. They express how proud they are of me. Again, I hold back my tears because I “feel” like I can be doing more, but I’m doing enough again. I need to stay planted just a bit longer. My Aunty loves telling me, “You’ve missed your calling in many professions, but what you’re doing now is THE ONE.”
I feel very weird writing about this because I don’t think I express this side of myself a lot. It’s hard for me because it’s hard to explain. When I’m overthinking at least 30% of the time, this is what’s going on in my head. Sometimes the physical showing of this looks like something is wrong. Either I look mad, annoyed, or sad, but that’s based on people who LOVE to watch me (monitoring spirits) …joking. Anyway, but yeah, the way I think sometimes is very peculiar. Don’t ask me why. Lowkey, I wish I opened up like this in personal relationships without feeling judged.
Bloomers. I hope I am making sense! Cause ya girl struggling right now. Do any of you ever feel like this? Let me say this, and this is a general statement. Don’t mind what people put out to the public on social media, making you feel like all is well and their shit is together even though some are out there. We often see the glitz and glam side, not this side that I am expressing. Hence why, I love what I do. Though I post on social media smiling, looking like a 5-year-old, there is still a side to Azalea that feels like she isn’t doing enough. Azalea is human. She tries to stay in her truth and not give a shit about the assumptions made.
This life isn’t easy, and like I always say, it doesn’t come with any rules. Hence, I love to say, “I’m alive & I’m surviving.” I am grateful for all that I have and what’s to come. I appreciate life’s journey despite the ups and downs. Yes, I will complain sometimes, but there’s no point significantly when I can’t change the circumstances. I am doing the best I can, even if it means crawling my way through it. I’m alive & I’m surviving.
Bloomers, it’s okay if the only thing you did today was survive.
“ Keep going, stay planted, practice patience, and know your time is coming soon. ”
