My Journey to Becoming Whole
Odette
We've already discussed the "Journey of Healing" and "The Path to Recovery," and now it's my turn to share my own story. While I am still on my healing journey, it's not as difficult as it was in the beginning. It was quite rough for me because I let pride stand in the way of facing the truth. I used it to justify my attitude and actions regarding certain things. However, the honest truth is that it was time for me to move on and close those chapters once and for all.
To get to the heart of my journey, it began when I started gradually surrendering various aspects of my life to God. During meditations, I would ask "Daddy" to continue working within me so I could become a better person, or in other words, a "Woman of God." In our conversations, I would ask Him to show me the areas I needed to work on and help me through them. As things began to reveal themselves, I realized there were many areas where I wasn't healed. I had a habit of pushing things to the back burner, ignoring my feelings and emotions, and pretending they didn't bother me—almost like going into survival mode with my emotions. Fast forwarding just a little I sat on my bed and made up my mind that it was time to get intentional with healing.
As the journey continued, it became increasingly difficult. I had to look in the mirror and admit to myself the grudges I held against others, the personal hurt I still carried from childhood, and the losses I pretended didn't bother me. I realized that some of this unresolved pain shaped me into someone I wasn't meant to be. It's not that I wasn't myself, but rather that a part of me was buried beneath the unhealed version of who I was. If I'm being honest, to become the woman I truly want to be (and I know I am her already, though still a work in progress) and to fulfill what God has called me to be, I have to confront the unhealed parts of myself. This is the only way I can truly be my authentic self. I don't want to be bitter and petty for the rest of my life. While I'm not saying that I am those things, I am human and have had moments of that. There's no joy in that. My tolerance for foolishness is extremely low, and I have no time for the games and nonsense people try to play.
While on this journey, no matter how difficult it became, I had moments of crying and frustration. To make matters worse, there were times when I even questioned God. I questioned Him because, when I looked back and uncovered the root of why I reacted defensively to certain things, I wondered, "Did I have to go through all of that? Was it even necessary?" But it's all part of the process of becoming who God has called me to be. I think the most hurtful part of my healing journey was justifying my attitude towards certain things because of past hurts. Again, pride played a serious part and denying my true feelings. The good thing is I was able to pray about it and talk to God.
So, what does my journey look like now? There are things I'm working on—not necessarily things I need to heal from, but things I need to acknowledge. Currently, my path of healing is a narrow one, just me and the Lord. By staying out of the way and focusing on myself, I have made significant progress. Even being able to share this and be so open and vulnerable is a huge step for me. Despite being an emotional person, there's still a side of my emotions that, believe it or not, I refuse to let people see. I will say this though, the best part of this journey for me is getting closer to God. Even though I have days where I might backslide or fall short in my prayers, I’m truly grateful for this journey.
As for you, this journey will not be easy but again it also depends on the kind of person you are. The path to healing can be lonely and scary, and you might come off as bipolar at times. Simply because you may not know which emotion to run with. There may be days you’re happy, sad, frustrated even at times you may feel numb. But, that’s okay, you are human. Just continue to be intentional on your road to healing because you won’t regret it. Trust me you will notice a difference in yourself because the work begins within yourself and will radiate on the outside eventually giving you an unexplainable glow. I know for me I’ve slowly been starting to feel like my real true self – but of course that comes with warfare from the enemy.
Here are a few lessons that I’ve personally learned for myself and I hope it helps you as well:
• Be okay with certain things not working out.
• Release your expectations and accept God's will.
• What’s meant for you will never miss you.
• Sometimes, things come back around, whether as a second chance or as vengeance.
• Let go. It happened. It will hurt but push your way forward.
• Cry if you need to.
• You have to want to be better; no one can want it for you.
• Be at peace.
. Accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
• There is power in healing.
• You may never get the apology you want most from the person you want it from most.
• Be okay with knowing you didn’t do anything wrong—life happens, and people are weird!
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”