Self-Hate: Time to Face the Music
Odette
Yes. It is time to face the music; the truth about self hate and what it can do to a person. This Is not my common blog post theme. It will be different from my usual post. This conversation may get emotional and real so bare with me.
Self-hate can be one of the worst things a person can have. Some say it’s a part of depression and mental illness. However, I won’t go into that right now. Really, I think it’s has something that we mentally gain because we are not born with self-hate. Self-hate can be manifested from any form of negative critique that was given to you or anything that you see about yourself that does not fit within the social construct that was illustrated to you. So today we are going to walk through the garden of music and face some truths that may need to be acknowledged.
Musical Garden Fine Art Print - Kathern Welsh
I use to wonder why no one ever used imperfect persons in their commercials because not everyone is fit or has that perfect body. There are persons such as myself who have stretch marks and cellulite (dimples and lumpy appearances on the booty or thigh) and other imperfections. So for me, seeing all these things on television made me feel like I would never be good enough or pretty enough. This is where the insecurities and self-hate came into play. Now not all persons experience this. Some persons may hate themselves because they feel rejected by others and some just hate the way they look. My question is Why though? Did somebody insult you on the imperfection of yours? Did the "popular" person say you aren't worth it? Like, tell me what it is. And if you are a person who did do this to someone, I want you to know you are very disrespectful and full of shit for telling them that. In this life, we have to realize that there will be people and things that will cause "us" to think that there is something actually wrong with ourselves when really there is nothing wrong. Honestly, that's how they feel about themselves, but they feel the need to call someone else out on it. Unfortunately, that is how some people are.
I remember years ago I was still in junior school at the time, this lady was talking to my mum, and she was asking about my older sister and I. It just so happened that I was standing behind my mum, but she didn’t realize it. The lady then said “Where is your daughter? Not the bright, short, ugly one right here (referring to me). The pretty dark one.” Listen to me!!! I never realized how rude a person could be until the lady said that in the presence of me standing right there. *wipes tear * and yes to this day I still get a little emotional about it, because that really broke my heart. However, I realized that’s how she feels about herself. The point of me telling that story is so that you can see how disrespectful persons are. You have to learn that people will say the nastiest things about you, but it's up to you to decide if you will take it to heart or laugh it off and realize that you aren’t any of those things people say about you. Now, to face the real music of self-hate and my story about it. *breath in slowly and breath out slowly *
Eventually, I found myself praying more and asking the “Big Guy” above to help me overcome this dark spell. As days went by things started to take a turn for the better. I started working out, fixing myself better, saying positive affirmations, I decided to change my environment from the persons who were in my life right down to a new job. Everything just started to clear up a bit in my life. The day I started to find myself again was the day I started this blog and this website that you are currently on. I felt like I belonged again and I didn’t feel worthless, and most importantly I didn’t feel depressed anymore. The depression just went away, don’t get me wrong I still have trigger points, but I just know how to control them and what to do when I start to feel like I am going to relapse. If you are wondering if I ever got professional help… the answer is NO. “why?” you may ask because I didn’t care to get any. I wanted to help myself and pick myself back up. Nobody knew what was going on with me except me. I am sure my parents knew I wasn’t happy, but I don’t think they knew how serious it was, that’s because I never really opened up about it to them. I wiped my own tears, patted myself on the back and reminded myself that everything will be okay. From then I kept “Blooming” into who I am now. *wipes tear away * the fact that I am here telling you all this is a HUGE step for me, like seriously. This is my music, my truth, and my story, and this isn’t really all of it, but eventually, you will find out. *giggles *
I love you, and there is nothing wrong with you. You are never alone in situations such as this trust me you will be amazed at how many people are going through what you are going through. You matter. You are here for a reason. Your purpose on this earth will show eventually. I know you may feel like you don’t belong and hate yourself but don’t do that. Be positive and learn to love yourself and the skin you are in.
“We all must learn to bloom; nobody can teach us but ourselves.”
