An Anxious Tale: Don't Overthink It
Odette
Is it only me that overthinks any and everything? Then it leads to a severe anxiety attack without realizing you are under attack? Okay good. I am not the only one. Well, Bloomers, your favorite flower, Azalea here overthinks a whole damn lot. Yes. Often it leads to my anxiety that I try to hide. I don't have all these answers about overthinking and anxiety; I can only talk from personal experiences. So please, no judging because I am sure I am not the only one. But before I start… How are you doing today? Are you okay? Are you alive & surviving? Alright, let's get into this.
So, the first time I experienced overthinking & anxiety (I doubt this was the first time, but this would be the first I recognized it within myself) was in Grades 10 - 12. Anyone who knows me knows the high school I went to and can testify that the last 3 years are made out to be crucial 🙄. Trying to be on top of everything, especially when applying for colleges/ universities, scholarships, etc. So, long story short, every time there was a test, final exam, international exam, or BGCSE/GCSE, my pressure WAS TALLER THAN THE DAMN SKYSCRAPERS in Manhattan, New York City. My legs would constantly shake, bite my nails & worse, I used to intentionally straighten my hair that week, not just because it would be easier to manage, but I used to pull my hair a little and play with it just to remain calm. This was part of the reason and, to this day, is still a reason why I hate taking exams and such. I remember expressing the anxiety to my family, but I don't think they thought much about it…possibly thought I was being "extra."
As an adult, to some extent, I believe that my overthinking and anxiety have increased a lot, and it's concerning me a bit. Even as I am writing this now, I can feel my fear creeping up. I usually don't talk about it because the first thing people think about overthinkers are: you are crazy, you're just being dramatic, or some may think you are mentally unstable, and that shouldn't be. Naturally, I don't believe that is something you can control. Personally, do I think it's normal to overthink at times? Most definitely! Do I think it's normal to happen consistently over time, leading to anxiety? No. However, I believe it can be worked on, but it is easier said than done. I hate overthinking and anxiety because it's difficult for me to stop it once it starts. Those moments are frustrating because I feel there's nothing I can do about it. Then again, I am a person who analyzes a lot.
Unfortunately, sometimes it can take a toll on me in "romantic" relationships. Nothing can be going on, but you know, sometimes you hear those familiar "whispers'' in your mind asking the "what if" questions which often lead to other things. Though it's not intentional, it can come off as insecure, but sometimes overthinking proves that you were right about what you thought about (sucks, I know). Trust me, I've been there, so I know what I'm talking about. Other times it's just the mini devil playing mind games on you, but that's a blog for another time.
The more I write on this, I am thinking of doing part 2 of this post…which I think I will. Anyway, I hate being an over-thinker, not to mention the anxiety that comes from it. I have recognized some of my triggers. Some of the triggers are the simplest things. I must tell myself, "calm ya ass down." But other times, I can't help myself. The anxiety part …. I think it is safe to say at times that I don't realize it's happening, especially if it's in a public setting and someone would point out and say, "Why are you shaking your leg so much?". In my defense, I am not a psychologist, but I wouldn't be thinking of anything consciously. Therefore, I think it's my subconscious. That sucker I can't control 🙄
So…I hope there is someone out there like me who can relate to this struggle. If there is, don't be afraid to talk about it, even if you censor some things because the truth is people are quick to judge and make you out to be "crazy." But you aren't ☺️ your mind just loves to run marathons and needs to take a vacation.
“If overthinking burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.
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Stay tuned for part 2 coming to theatres near you!! *giggles
