An Anxious Tale: Don't Overthink It - Part 2

HERE IS PART 2! as promised, though I contemplated doing this. I hope you enjoyed me opening up so far about my overthinking & anxiety. Honestly am not excited, but I love y'all, so enjoy the read ☺️

For me, overthinking feels like…a mind battle on a war-field. With different questions, analyses, and scenarios forming in one's mind. However, it's like bullets shooting at me all at once, and every time I try to dodge one another hits me. The sucky thing is, sometimes it feels like I am going in circles mentally because of overthinking. No, I am not the "C" word, it's not that serious, but it can feel like that sometimes.

Interestingly, one evening at Bible Study, my pastor called me out on it. I don't know how they detected it, but oh well. Anyway…I won't say everything that was stated, but a few words stuck to me: "It's your mind. You think plenty. God's blood is to control your mind. Stop stressing yourself out about what you need to do. Stop trying to figure things out. God says let go and let him. Let God direct your path." Well, guess who started tearing up? Me per usual because they were speaking the truth. Though I know and I've recognized I need to let God have complete control & to stop thinking things, I still do it. It's a serious battle that I struggle with.

Consequently, it sometimes causes me to keep my guard up a lot. Especially if something happened in the past & not to say history repeats itself, but you are in a new situation, and then the overthinking happens …. then what? Overthinking & Anxiety.

What causes/triggers my overthinking & anxiety? 

1. Past experiences that weren't the best (trauma)

2. Negative thoughts

3. Low self-esteem (rare)

4. Self-doubt

5. Perfectionist (I am a Virgo *giggles)

6. Obsessive tendencies

7. Bringing up the past (something I don't like to talk about)

8. Opinions of others

9. Specific word phrases ("I have a question?" Or "I need to talk to you")

10. Stress, frustration, Arguments

Number 1. Past traumatic experiences? Possibly but I can't think of any. However, maybe it's because I always expect the worst. Then I won't feel so disappointed. With number 9, especially, I know I haven't done anything wrong or guilty, but those questions freak me the Eff out! But those are just to list a few. No judging, please & thank you!

What do my anxiety and overthinking look like now? I really don't want to answer this, but I know it's a question you'll ask. 

1. I would fidget or play with something nearby

2. Shaking my leg (unintentionally)

3. I look like I'm ready to cry (even though I don't)

4. If I'm in the kitchen, I would walk around our island/countertop in circles (unintentionally)

5. Stumbling over my words

6. Silent and not talking

7. Zoning out

The funny thing about this list is even when you Bloomers watch my videos on YouTube, you notice when I'm anxious, so that alone should give you an idea.

Okay. I'm tired of rambling now & I think you guys know even more about me now. But one last thing! Why don't I speak about it?

1. People judge & very opinionated

2. It might come off sounding "C…y."

3. Hard to express my thoughts

4. Sometimes the Bible isn't always enough, as people say. I just need someone to talk to who would listen and still view me the same and not think I'm being dramatic.

5. I prefer not to open up too much.

6. ANXIETY KICKS IN

If we were to have this conversation in person, I would possibly say the same thing, but speaking about it is a trigger for numerous reasons, as stated already. HAVE A GREAT DAY & DON'T CHOOSE VIOLENCE!!!