Chapter Demure: Celebrating Another Year

Well, I've made it through another 365 days around the sun—thank you, God! This past year hasn't been the easiest. I faced many silent battles and struggles that I kept to myself. There was a lot of warfare, distractions, and unexpected crossroads, but I survived. I was tested more than ever. I lost a lot, but I also won. I failed, I cried like a baby needing a nap, but I also reached a place of 'Qué Será Será.' I laughed, I learned, and I loved—even when that love was taken for granted. But most importantly, I'm still here. I made it, and I didn’t break. Or as the 'church folks' would say... I didn’t throw in the towel.

 In full transparency, I had to learn that everything in this life is truly fleeting, and time is never on our side. In seconds, life can be taken away in the blink of an eye. With this in mind, I had to reach a place of “To hell with this” mentality, By that, I mean I consciously decided to embrace a mindset where I focus on doing small things that make me happy—and to hell with anyone who has a problem with it. I know it might sound harsh, but that’s honestly the best way to express how I’ve been feeling. I didn’t expect this past year to go the way it did but unfortunately, it did. "It's truly amazing how much pain I can conceal behind a smile. I’ve done it countless times before, masking my struggles and heartaches behind a facade of cheerfulness. It’s become second nature, this ability to put on a brave face and pretend everything is okay, even when it's not. But now, I’m starting to recognize the strength it takes to keep going despite the pain, and I’m learning to be more honest about my feelings.

Now, all I want is to be happy. I know that’s something everyone says, but I don’t think many people understand how deep it is to say, 'I just want to be happy'—not just to have happy moments, but real, lasting happiness. I get that things happen, and that's just part of life, but DAMN! I don’t want problems I want peace. I had plenty of moments where I questioned God, begging for answers. I wondered if I did something wrong because every time I took a few steps forward, it felt like something would knock me back down. And every time I set boundaries, people would get upset. And to fast forward a bit—I simply got tired.

Honestly, I don’t care if I come off as secretive, selfish, or nonchalant. I need to start living for myself and stop settling for crumbs. I want things to work out for me in every area of my life, and I don’t think that’s too much to ask or pray for. So, if that means removing myself from certain environments or people, then I’ll do it. I’m not getting any younger, and while I thought I’d be further along by now, I have to remind myself—it’s God’s timing, not mine.

Time is precious, so I refuse to sit around waiting or waste it dwelling on what 'could have' or 'should have' been. There’s so much I could say, but I’d rather not. Instead, I’m looking forward to this new chapter. I think I’ll call it 'Demure' *laughs hysterically*. I think it’s safe to say that I’m going to keep an open mind and trust God even more this year. He’s shown up and shown out for me in ways I could never have imagined. But hey, that’s why I don’t put my trust in MAN!

Anyway, I don’t want to ramble too much. Happy Earth Day to me—YAYYY! I’m so grateful to see another year. You all might be used to me picking a color for my birthday each year, but this time I decided to choose a chapter from Psalms. I selected Psalm 27. You might wonder why I chose this particular chapter, so let me explain.

Psalm 27:1 says, “The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?” This verse resonates deeply with me because it reminds me of the strength and guidance I find in my faith. It reassures me that even in moments of uncertainty or fear, I am not alone. The Lord’s presence illuminates my path and provides refuge, giving me the courage to face challenges with confidence.

Additionally, Psalm 27:13-14 says, “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.' These verses are a powerful reminder of hope and patience." They encourage me to stay steadfast and trust that even when things are tough, God’s goodness will prevail in my life. The call to 'wait for the Lord' reminds me to be patient and strong, trusting that the divine plan will unfold in its own time and that I will witness positive change and blessings as I persevere.

“ K. Bye!”