Self-Pollination: Am I Pollinated?

I know you are thinking… What is Azalea talking about? Is she about to start talking about flowers, the whole life cycle, and a little photosynthesis? The answer is no, I am not. But, here's a hint: look up self-pollination & take a lucky guess of what I am talking about. If not, when I refer to "self-pollination," I am talking HEALING. Yes, healing. Why? Because I am human & it's something I want to talk about. Sooooooo, let's GO! 

At the beginning of this year, I wrote about being in a "Shift & Healing" season. The shifting I am good with; my mindset has made a change, and I am still evolving. However, it's the healing that I need to talk about. Cause goodness gracious me! It's rough out here, but in a good way. Let's call it for what it is; I am still healing in different areas of my life, and I decided to be intentional about it. Of course, I have my moments when I remember something or am reminded of it, and though I've "healed" from it, sometimes it can be a trigger, but I look at them as lessons. Of course, the human side comes out at times & I may get upset, but in those moments, I have to remember "trial and error." As I've said, "Sometimes the "flesh" takes a greater hold on me, and I tend to hold grudges longer than I should." The good thing is I've learned to forgive a lot more, but it's just that damn healing. 

There's no way for me to explain it. It's almost like looking at a scar on your body. You've learned the lesson you needed to from the scar, the bruises that left the scar are healed, but every time you look at the scar, some emotions come back. Not to say they are negative, but you smile because you conquered the journey, or sometimes you get sad because you're wondering, "did I really deserve that?". So it's not like you haven't forgiven the situation or persons & cleansed from it, and it's not like you've healed because you have. I think its the forgetting. The truth is you don't forget. I don't forget. However, I try not to hold a grudge. Then again, when I am reminded, I may have a moment where I'm like, "Am I healed, or did I convince myself that I am healed?". See why I say Self-Pollination is a process. And yes, I do think I am a flower *giggles. Call me "Mother of Bloomers." 

I preach this a lot, and I will forever say I AM NOT PERFECT; I AM ONLY HUMAN. Healing is one of the most challenging things to do. Honestly, I am tested a lot, especially in recent times. Though I disagree with it, I can see why it happens. For the most part, I think I am doing better. I don't know about you all, but I feel like these tests are to separate what I truly healed from and what I need to be more intentional about. Some of me may have convinced myself that I was healed, but I am not entirely. Like I said, there are different chapters in my life I need to recover from: relationships (non-romantic), family, work environment, etc. not exactly saying ALL, but you know 🤷🏾‍♀️. I have no problem admitting it; it's a part of the process, remember & no judging! I can feel the anxiety kicking in.

Sometimes I project my hurt by placing a guard up. No matter the situation or the individual, I've naturally started doing so. However, I do my best not to take it out on anything or anyone. Maybe it's safer to say my boundaries have increased, and I think that's because of all the healing I am doing. Bloomers, SET BOUNDARIES, and DO NOT let anyone cross them! I didn't understand what it meant to set boundaries. Not until I recognized that I still had to work on myself: I needed self-pollination. I now have more respect for myself, and I was not going to let even a fly disrespect me and I wanted to be better. Therefore, with my healing, I set boundaries; let me not say I set them, but I reinforced them. Maybe in another post (hint hint), I will talk more about setting boundaries and the importance of not letting anyone or anything cross them in the future. As for now, I'm still drawing a few red lines that SHOULDN'T be crossed. Or what I would like to say, "Don't Cross the Forbidden Garden."  

Don't worry; I've made it my goal to keep you updated on my "Self-Pollination" journey. Have a GREAT day & of course, don't choose violence.